Shed light so I can see your eyes
Shed your light on me
I need music.
No, I don't need music actually. All I need is sound, but music makes a more pleasant distraction. This distraction is necessary, because otherwise it's just me.
I can't let it be just me.
For reasons I don't want to explain, involving a certain thing from my past, I've always had an issue with silence. If I don't have some kind of noticeable background noise going on, I start to... fade. It's not some weird magical bullshit, it's just a problem of definition: without background noise, I inadvertently start to focus on my own existence and ultimately lose myself.
Have you ever put something down, like your keys, and looked away for a second? Of course you have, and they're always right where you left them. Now imagine if you looked back, and you couldn't find them suddenly. It might just be that they were misplaced, yeah, but what if you just didn't know what they looked like anymore? What if your memory of those keys was subject to change: one minute you're absolutely certain what your keys look like and do, and the next you've completely lost the concept of being able to lock or unlock anything? Your eyes dart around, suddenly suspicious of whether or not everything around you is actually a key, or maybe even your set of keys, and the dread dredges up the thought that everything is locked now, at this exact moment of weakness where you'll never have your keys again.
We'll just say that I've gone days without finding it. Without finding them. In silence, I lose myself, and the thought of never finding it again is constantly on my mind. I don't know if writing out this sort of thought helps, but the click of my keyboard is a beautiful curtain to hide behind.
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